The Spiritual Path of Life with Lucy Grace

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Liz Childs Kelly: Hello, and welcome

to Home to Her, the podcast that's

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dedicated to reclaiming the lost and

stolen wisdom of the sacred feminine.

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I'm your host, Liz Kelley, and on

each episode, we explore her stories

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and myths, her spiritual principles,

and most importantly, what this

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wisdom has to offer us right now.

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Thanks for being here.

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Let's get started.

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Welcome Okay.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Hey everybody and welcome to the show.

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This is Liz joining you as usual

from central Virginia and the

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unseated lands of the Monica nation.

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And I am so glad that you

are here with me today.

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And as always, if you would like to

find out whose native lands you're

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living on, you can go to native land.

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ca.

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There's a map of the entire world.

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And I will put that in the

show notes as I always do.

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And if you want to learn about

the sacred feminine, there's Lots

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of ways that you can do that.

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And lots of teachers many of

whom have been on this show

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over the last five years.

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But if you want to learn from me,

go over and check out home to her.

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com.

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I have lots of articles

there, resources for you.

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You can access all the

past podcast episodes.

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You can check out my book, Home to

Her, Walking the Transformative Path

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of the Sacred Feminine, which was

published by WomanCraft Publishing.

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And, which also a fabulous

resource for sacred feminine

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books, and it's also on Audible.

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And if you have feedback,

suggestions, questions, feel

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free to get in touch with me.

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I love that.

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Social is a really good way to do that.

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You can find me at home to her

on Facebook and on Instagram.

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And yeah, I love to hear from you.

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I love to know that you're listening

and I love to know what you think.

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And if you can't remember

any of that, don't worry.

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I will put all of that in the show note.

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Okay.

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And on with our show.

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So I found out about my current guest.

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It took me about four years to do this,

which is a little embarrassing, but

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asking my podcast guests to recommend

other amazing individuals that

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would be good guests for this show.

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And so if you heard the episode with

the wonderful poet Shallan Harkin,

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she recommended my guest to me today.

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And I'm so excited to talk to her.

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I feel like we were already just launching

into it before we started recording.

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So I think this is going to be beautiful.

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Her words have such magic

and divinity in them.

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And I think she's got just a really

beautiful story to share too.

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So I'm, I'm excited to

introduce her to you.

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So let me go ahead and do that for you.

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Lucy grace is a mystic spiritual

guide, embodied therapist and

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poet based in New Zealand.

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She mentors people in soul initiation

and awakening, and is devoted to

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helping as many hearts as possible.

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Remember the truth of themselves

and connect to the ever present

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great heart at the center of all.

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She has lived many lives, including

as a television journalist for One

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News, New Zealand's largest national

television news channel, and a

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humanitarian aid worker based in Europe

for 15 years, working for the UN, Save

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the Children, Fairtrade, and Oxfam.

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She worked in orphanages and disaster

zones around the world, working to bring

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relief to people's suffering and in

leadership to change the laws, policies,

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and practices that keep people locked

in suffering, inequality, and injustice.

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Lucy now focuses on her work as a

soul initiation, awakening guide and

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mentor, holistic therapist and poet.

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And she's known for honoring the

sacred process and the sacred mess of

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our humanity, while also supporting

people to remember who they are

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outside of all roles, archetypes,

identities, concepts, and teachings.

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She sees life as an ongoing journey

to embody the highest truth we can.

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We can only give what we embody.

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She's also the author of This Untameable

Light, which was released in November

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2023 to critical acclaim from some of the

world's most loved spiritual teachers.

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And she lives in nature with her

daughter Rose on Waiheke Island

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in New Zealand, which is where

she is joining us from today.

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It's my evening and her morning and

Lucy, I'm so glad that you are here.

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Thank you for joining me.

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Lucy Grace: Thank you

so much for having me.

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It's a joy to be with you.

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Liz Childs Kelly: Yes, I'm just

basking in your energy already.

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And I always, I usually start my

podcast with asking people to tell

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me about their spiritual backgrounds

and what that was like as a child.

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And I, I always find it interesting

to see like, what was, what was.

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You know, what was pulled through and

is useful for you now, maybe what you

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didn't get that you had to discard.

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But I also know in reading about you

and some of your story that you had a

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little bit of a different upbringing.

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And so I'm kind of wanting to widen

the lens of that question and just have

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you talk to me a little bit about this

journey through your childhood and how,

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how it's kind of informed where you are

today, if you're comfortable with that.

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Lucy Grace: Yeah, absolutely.

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Yeah.

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So I did have a bit of a different

childhood and it's been funny living

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in this skin suit because it's not

always obvious to the naked eye.

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I look like someone who had truss buns

and ponies and, and actually, yeah, I

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grew up with a single mom who had me

when she was 20 and the man that was my

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father, he left her when I was a fetus.

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And so we were on our own and I actually

started life in a woman's refuge home.

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And then we couch surfed and went

between different homes and places

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as much as we could until I was five.

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And we managed to find our own

place in a really rough neighborhood

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called Fairfield in New Zealand.

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And I dunno, some people might

have seen once were warriors.

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It's a, it's a film, a lot of

Americans have seen it and it

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portrays kind of gang life and.

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The kind of ghetto, the hood life

of New Zealand really beautifully

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and that's really where I grew up.

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I was the only white girl in my street.

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We often went without food

for at least a few days.

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We, Had to sell the furniture sometimes

when things got really tough, we'd get

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the old couch down at the pawn shop and

we'd be sitting on the ground for a while.

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Often were cold without heating

and yeah, it was just mum and I and

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we lived in a really, really rough

neighbourhood, right, with gangs.

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There was a time where the postman

couldn't go down our street for two

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years because he was getting shot at.

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And just to put that in context, we

don't have many guns in New Zealand.

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People, like, householders don't own guns.

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We're not allowed to, you know, unless

you're kind of a hunter or there has to

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be specific reason and you get a license.

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So it's, there isn't gang culture.

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There is, sorry, there isn't gun culture

like there is in America in the same way.

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So that was pretty amazing that a

postman couldn't go down a street

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because he was getting shot at.

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And, and yeah, there was a lot in that.

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A lot of drugs in my

neighborhood, a lot of burglaries.

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We had bars on all our windows.

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We had locks on the inside of doors

so that when somebody broke into

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the kitchen, if Mom and I were in

the bedroom, we could lock ourselves

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into the bedroom to stay safe.

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We would hear the ransacking, the

house, but we were there in the room.

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Yeah, there's so much I could tell about

that we probably got broken into once

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every few weeks, at least once a month,

many different iterations of that, you

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know, whether it was breaking in and

stealing what few Christmas presents were

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under our tree, leaving all the torn open

paper as a little girl that broke open

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my little girl heart, you know, or it's

funny, we had really violent, episodes.

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There was a, it was a time where to

get into a gang, a gang member had

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to, they had these tasks that they had

to do, and they would set the tasks.

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If you want to be in our gang,

you have to do this thing.

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And we were kind of sitting ducks, mom

and I, because we were alone and there was

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no man in our house and everyone knew it.

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And somebody had been tasked with

raping a woman in front of her child.

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And that was what he would have

to do to get into the gang.

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And so.

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They chose us and, and yeah,

so one night they broke in and,

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and I hadn't been able to sleep.

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I was eight years old.

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I remember being in my bedroom and just

tossing and turning and, and really

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feeling the sense of, it was might sound

funny to some and just normal to others,

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but this being, this being of life with

me and just, I felt kind of wrestled

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awake every time I started dropping down,

I'd wake up and I just didn't know why.

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And eventually I heard my mom crying.

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I heard something in the hallway.

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I walked out into the hallway

and I saw him there with her.

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He had a big stick and he was holding

her in front of him and pushing her.

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He had her handbag already.

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He was pushing her violently

into the bedroom and he

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pushed her in and I followed.

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Thanks.

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And I quickly hid under the ironing

board with the telephone, and he was

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beating mum up on the bed, and his back

was toward me, but she could see me.

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And she started screaming, please don't

hurt my baby, please don't hurt my baby.

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And I was on the phone to the

police, I started ringing 111.

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We had these 1980s, you know, wall phones,

that was kind of, and I'd always, mum had

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always said, if anything happens you need

to dial 111, and I'd done it many times.

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So he started ripping off her

clothes and then he heard my voice.

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There's a man in our

house, please help us.

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And I told the address.

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He then turned to me, of course, and he

grabbed the phone out of my hands and then

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eventually started talking and realized

it was the police and he ran away.

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And the place came and so we had many

intensely violent episodes, but there

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were also simple things as a child for me,

like I didn't have many toys, but I had

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a tiny little stereo radio that I loved.

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And, and one time mom and I were out and.

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People broken and they

just bashed it with a bat.

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They just broke it to pieces

that for some reason, that's the

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more traumatic memory in my mind.

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And they, they took a poo on my bed.

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They did a poo on my bed.

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And so coming home to those

kind of things, the sense of

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smallness, you know, the sense of.

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Discussed the sense of why do I live here?

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Why do I belong here?

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And so I always had the sense that the

child of just not belonging where I was.

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You know, of looking around and not

finding my people, not, not understanding

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why I'd been dropped off in this

place where I just did not belong.

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And what I would do in that space is I

would reach to what I thought of as in

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a sweet kind of childhood innocence.

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Is.

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As God, I would think of it as God,

you know, as this Abrahamic God,

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this kind of man in the sky, this

light inside me that I could feel.

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My mom used to call me a Buddha baby.

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She would say, like, you would just

sit, you wouldn't even cry when

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you woke up, you would just sit

there and just be looking happily.

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And I've always had that

deep sense of contentment.

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And that way I've had many shadow

journeys, many rides, many deepenings.

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It's not that, but I've always had.

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That piece in my heart and so I would

turn inward everything on the outside

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of me as a child until I was 18.

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I was there until I was 18 was chaos and

outside of the house was the violence

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and the gang culture inside of the house.

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My mom had bipolar.

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So she was very up and down.

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She'd had a tumultuous past.

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Amazing woman that's incredibly

loving, but a, a really.

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a big wrestle and a big

dance with her own pain.

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And, and so for me, the only

place to go was inside me.

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So I would sit, I would feel this energy.

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I would connect with this ground of being

a sense of peace and I would rest there.

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I would rest there.

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I was also really fortunate

that I heard from a young age.

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It's almost like everything was

so hard on the outside, I had

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no choice but to develop these,

these, this intuitive sense.

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I had to reach for God.

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I had to reach for light

because there wasn't any.

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And in that way, it was the greatest

gift, that poverty, that pain.

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It was almost like, I've often referred

to it as a welfare child ashram.

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You know, I had no concept of spirituality

or I didn't think of it in those terms,

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but The experience was rich for me.

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I would sit quietly for hours.

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I would reach for God.

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I would bathe in that light.

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I would fill myself and view myself

from the inside because I needed it to

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fortify me for the madness on the outside.

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And I had the hearing, which I

only recognized later as, as clear

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audience, but I would receive guidance.

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I would receive words of comfort.

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You know, I, I have little journal

entries from back then that

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said, I was hungry today, but God

came, you know, and spoke to me.

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Things like this.

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I was very alone, there were

no other siblings in the house.

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It wasn't safe, always,

in my neighborhood, so I

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stayed in the house a lot.

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I had friends at school, but I

was taken to a fancy school on the

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other side of town before zoning.

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I couldn't find myself there.

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I had, I was always popular.

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I had a lot of friends, but there

was this deep part of me that I

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had in a way that I didn't feel

I could connect to people with.

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So there was a deep aloneness and a

deep part of me that was just mine.

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And that, that was spirit for me.

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That was spirituality for me.

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And later, as I left and went to

university and did my thing, I had

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some pretty big shifts in consciousness

and big awakenings through the years.

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That deeply changed me, but I, you know,

one at 21 when the kind of personal

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self fell away and started seeing

spirits for a long time and I wanted

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to turn that off, I didn't like that.

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But I had no concept, I had read

no books, I had no teachers, I

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didn't live in communities or

near communities that talked about

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enlightenment or concepts like that,

I don't buy into those even now.

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But it was really this

organic impulse in me.

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That danced me, that burnt me into being

through life as par, through life as par.

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Liz Childs Kelly: Wow.

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So much there.

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Did you feel like, I mean, it's just so

beautiful to hear you talk about this.

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And I, I, I did not grow up in any

close to circumstances as you, but I did

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grow up without much resources at all.

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With a single mom too and a father

who had declared bankruptcy.

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And so we had, you know, we lost kind

of house and cars and all the things.

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And and like you, I think I

eventually saw that as a great gift.

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I've always been able to flex up and

down in terms of material comforts

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and things I haven't needed them much.

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And sometimes I'm uncomfortable

if I have too many of them.

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Like it's just, it's just too much,

you know, I'm, I'm better without it.

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But what I'm curious for you is if it.

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If it took, you know, if there was

a process for you of being able

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to see the gifts, like, did you

recognize it at the time or was it,

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you know, later when you were like,

oh, wow, what an incredible gift.

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That's very challenging.

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Lucy Grace: Childhood.

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What a beautiful question.

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Thank you.

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I think you see that because you lived it.

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So you see that clearly.

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It was a process.

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It was both.

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And, you know, it was at the time I

could see gifts, I could see gifts.

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I was always very free.

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And that wasn't just because the lack

of material resource, it was also

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because the beauty of my mother, my

mother left school at 15, you know,

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she, she didn't, I didn't have any

conditioning in that world around.

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You need to be a doctor, a lawyer in

order to be loved, you know, not just

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from my mother's value set, which was

always who you are, is your beauty, who

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you are, is what matters, not what you do.

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She always said.

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Do what makes you alive,

do what makes you happy.

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That was the message I got consistently.

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So there's a freedom in that space.

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But also because there was no conditioning

for me from society much, because

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often we didn't own a TV, a radio,

you know, sometimes, but not for long.

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Before it went to the porn shop and

I was second hand black and white TV.

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There weren't billboards, I

didn't have access to books, to,

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to magazines, things like that.

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I had some books from the op shop, the

secondhand shop, but I didn't have the

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conditioning that comes around many, many

things in culture that are really toxic.

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We can say women's bodies, you know, I've

always been comfortable with, with shape.

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I have little pieces around it, but

on the whole, much more comfortable

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than many of The woman I know or

work with and, and I've always

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: 00:17:42

been comfortable around my power.

304

: 00:17:46

You know, that seemed to be something

that was ingrained and obviously

305

: 00:17:49

we go on journeys to deepen.

306

: 00:17:50

It's not that I had it and it was done.

307

: 00:17:52

I think we're always deepening, but

there were, there were certain facets

308

: 00:17:56

of growing up that way, stripped bare

of, of life's and culture's conditioning

309

: 00:18:03

because I was kind of sheltered.

310

: 00:18:05

Poverty has a way of shrinking

your world, relative poverty.

311

: 00:18:08

It's not the same as what I witnessed.

312

: 00:18:10

You know, and, and a third

world countries, but it has a

313

: 00:18:14

way of shrinking your world.

314

: 00:18:17

And in that way, there

was a freedom for me.

315

: 00:18:21

And I think I embodied that at the time.

316

: 00:18:24

And I felt that at the time

I was often courageous.

317

: 00:18:28

As a child and as a

teenager and early twenties.

318

: 00:18:32

With decisions, there was nothing to loop.

319

: 00:18:35

Right.

320

: 00:18:35

So when my friends were saying, I

need to keep the comforts I'm used to.

321

: 00:18:40

Right.

322

: 00:18:40

And they often had a lot of fear

around their careers or getting

323

: 00:18:44

A's at uni or B's in a certain way.

324

: 00:18:47

There was a deep freedom in me.

325

: 00:18:49

I used to say, C's get degrees.

326

: 00:18:51

I don't know how sensible that was,

but I was very much alive in the world

327

: 00:18:57

and weirdly out of university, even

though I had my C's get degrees thing.

328

: 00:19:03

I got, I got one of the best

jobs, my peers, I went straight

329

: 00:19:06

into television journalist role.

330

: 00:19:08

When many were working in juice

bars, and I don't say that in a

331

: 00:19:11

self righteous way or a look at

me way, but it was surprising.

332

: 00:19:17

And I think that's because I was living

from that pulse of aliveness and that flow

333

: 00:19:23

of organicity and nature brings it in.

334

: 00:19:25

So I recognized the gifts at the time.

335

: 00:19:27

And then very much later when I looked at.

336

: 00:19:31

The way I had been free to live my

life courageously, to let go, as you

337

: 00:19:37

said, flex up and down, not needing

the things, but feeling what was true

338

: 00:19:43

for me and how life wanted to be lived.

339

: 00:19:46

I think the gift is often

starting with nothing, right?

340

: 00:19:51

We value everything like a beautiful meal.

341

: 00:19:55

When I was 21, I couldn't buy it was like.

342

: 00:19:58

Oh, my God.

343

: 00:19:59

And there was so much gratitude,

so much joy, because none of

344

: 00:20:03

that was taken for granted.

345

: 00:20:05

I, a life owes me nothing, came

from nothing, it owes me nothing.

346

: 00:20:10

So everything I get and am given,

I'm so, you know, there is, at the

347

: 00:20:16

risk of sounding cliched or trite,

a deep gratitude for what we find.

348

: 00:20:22

And those are the gifts that that

life gave and many, many more.

349

: 00:20:26

I actually think we're

lucky, we're the lucky ones.

350

: 00:20:28

The human gaze would see that

as, oh, the poor cousin Lucy who

351

: 00:20:34

lived in the rough neighborhood.

352

: 00:20:36

I think spirit's gaze says, oh, you,

you got that body and that life.

353

: 00:20:44

You got that to burn into being and

that suffering so early that you

354

: 00:20:48

got to find the gifts and the gold

and the medicine inside it and carry

355

: 00:20:53

it throughout your life, right?

356

: 00:20:55

And there's a looseness in the body.

357

: 00:20:58

The lack of rigidity in the body

when we let life move us because

358

: 00:21:02

we're already being cracked up.

359

: 00:21:04

Liz Childs Kelly: Yeah,

that's so beautiful.

360

: 00:21:06

So beautiful.

361

: 00:21:07

And I am curious to, you mentioned, you

know, the sense of God and the Abrahamic,

362

: 00:21:12

the light of it, you were imagining him.

363

: 00:21:14

And as you said, that I'm imagining

him as like the father, God, like maybe

364

: 00:21:17

the stern, but loving grandfather,

that's going to call you up his lap.

365

: 00:21:21

And and I wonder, You know, if and when,

like how the sacred feminine goddess,

366

: 00:21:27

you choose your language, whatever

you're more comfortable with, how you

367

: 00:21:30

became aware of her, that sense of her.

368

: 00:21:34

Yeah.

369

: 00:21:36

Lucy Grace: Right.

370

: 00:21:36

So that was much later.

371

: 00:21:38

So as a child, I was

missing a father, right?

372

: 00:21:41

.

And so I looked to God for me, God.

373

: 00:21:44

I think we reduce our gods, our

goddesses, life, light, to what we are.

374

: 00:21:50

We reduce it.

375

: 00:21:50

So if we are afraid, we reduce it to a

judgmental god, goddess, there to whip

376

: 00:21:58

us into shape at the critical father.

377

: 00:22:01

But if that isn't in our awareness

of ourselves, it's something else.

378

: 00:22:07

And for me, God was always deeply

loving, deeply loving father

379

: 00:22:11

that I could bring my cares to.

380

: 00:22:13

Though in fact, I could

never find myself in humans.

381

: 00:22:17

Where I grew up for me, the only

place I belonged or could find myself

382

: 00:22:24

was in God, call it God awareness,

Allah, Buddha, what Shiva, whatever

383

: 00:22:29

you want to call it, ISIS, right?

384

: 00:22:33

Whatever we want to call that for me, it's

the light that lives inside all things.

385

: 00:22:38

It has different expression,

but it was much later.

386

: 00:22:40

Again, I just want to emphasize that

I never, I have still not done any.

387

: 00:22:47

Formal training or courses or read

books on the divine feminine, or

388

: 00:22:53

for me, it's a, it's an experience.

389

: 00:22:55

It's been experiential.

390

: 00:22:57

So my languaging around

it might be different.

391

: 00:22:59

I'm not sure to others.

392

: 00:23:02

I can only speak to it as it's visited me

and, and moved my body and opened my body.

393

: 00:23:09

But essentially, my

life kind of carried on.

394

: 00:23:12

I went, I did a university degree

in journalism, became a journalist,

395

: 00:23:16

quit that after two years, and, and

went into aid work, and that was

396

: 00:23:20

a place I could put my love, you

know, 15 years in humanitarian aid.

397

: 00:23:25

I, I needed a place to put my love.

398

: 00:23:28

And, you know, the little girl in me had

thrivers guilt, I think, you know, I went

399

: 00:23:34

into journalism to save the world and I

quickly realized it was about selling ads.

400

: 00:23:39

And so I knew it wasn't for me.

401

: 00:23:40

So I left and people thought I was mad.

402

: 00:23:42

And, and then I went into aid and

I knew that I had a vision of that

403

: 00:23:46

in my, in my, when I was about

20, that that's what I would do.

404

: 00:23:49

And at the time I'd say, no,

no, no, I don't want to do that.

405

: 00:23:53

I want to be a fancy journalist

because the little girl and I'd

406

: 00:23:56

never been fancy and she needed that.

407

: 00:23:59

But eventually after two years, I quit.

408

: 00:24:01

So then I had this big career in

loving and I, again, no concept

409

: 00:24:07

of spirituality, no concept of

the divine feminine, nothing.

410

: 00:24:12

I just loved.

411

: 00:24:13

And as I put my love into the

world, I think looking back, I

412

: 00:24:17

didn't know this at the time.

413

: 00:24:18

At the time I wanted

to make things better.

414

: 00:24:21

It was like, this cannot

be the way we live.

415

: 00:24:24

I've left all these

people back in the hood.

416

: 00:24:26

I won't leave them, you know,

whatever humble gifts I might

417

: 00:24:30

have, I want to give them back.

418

: 00:24:33

And so I went and did this work for

15 years, many of it in offices too,

419

: 00:24:37

like in leadership, leading big teams

and marketing and PR teams to get the

420

: 00:24:42

money to come in to support the project.

421

: 00:24:44

So it wasn't all in the field.

422

: 00:24:47

After 15 years of that, I had married,

I'd had a baby, I'd come back to New

423

: 00:24:51

Zealand and for me, the catalyst of

I'd had this big awakening at 21.

424

: 00:24:57

But the catalyst for the really complete

rearranging the complete dissolving

425

: 00:25:06

of the borders of my body, this place

of, of just utter deconstruction

426

: 00:25:12

that happened after my baby came.

427

: 00:25:15

And so I went into, she was birthed, and I

went into two and a half years of complete

428

: 00:25:19

dark, complete and utter darkness.

429

: 00:25:23

I was 35.

430

: 00:25:25

I had, it was not my first rodeo.

431

: 00:25:26

You've heard how I grew up.

432

: 00:25:28

I had been exposed to horrific

things during my time in aid work.

433

: 00:25:32

The worst of humanity, the

best of humanity, all of it.

434

: 00:25:36

I was not a woman who was not used to

looking with the Medusa eye into the dark.

435

: 00:25:42

I was equipped.

436

: 00:25:44

I had been ill.

437

: 00:25:45

There was a period of illness for six

years where I was bedridden for six months

438

: 00:25:49

of it and had to learn to walk again.

439

: 00:25:51

So I had been through some huge and

deep initiations, but at thought I

440

: 00:25:57

had touched the ground in the abyss of

darkness until that, until Rose was born.

441

: 00:26:04

And everyone said, you're

going to be the most amazing.

442

: 00:26:07

Look at you, you work in orphanages,

you know, loving strangers, babies.

443

: 00:26:11

I was not, it did not

come naturally to me.

444

: 00:26:15

I Went from being pretty optimistic

most of my life, able to see the good,

445

: 00:26:21

the bright, kind of alive, no matter

what darkness I was peering into,

446

: 00:26:27

no matter where I found myself, but

when she came, all the light left.

447

: 00:26:32

And it was the first time in my life I

can honestly say I could not touch God.

448

: 00:26:37

Even when I was ill and bedridden

and my body wouldn't work, I

449

: 00:26:41

could feel the light in me.

450

: 00:26:44

I could still, I remember thinking, I can

still feel some light and deep inside.

451

: 00:26:49

Not so when Rose was born.

452

: 00:26:53

I couldn't find light anywhere.

453

: 00:26:54

I couldn't feel God.

454

: 00:26:55

I couldn't hear God.

455

: 00:26:56

All of the clear audience I'd always had

guidance, which had been deep and rich.

456

: 00:27:01

It had told me where to

seek jobs in my life.

457

: 00:27:03

I would say, where should

I would say UNICEF.

458

: 00:27:06

And it was very clear

guidance, very practical.

459

: 00:27:10

My whole life, I had many times of leaving

my body and walking with guides and being

460

: 00:27:16

told what was about to happen in my life.

461

: 00:27:19

It was very on the ground

guidance, and it all left.

462

: 00:27:23

Right before Rose was born, before

I was pregnant, it was the last

463

: 00:27:27

time I was visited, and I was told,

get ready, a little girl is coming.

464

: 00:27:34

You have to prepare.

465

: 00:27:36

And it was a very stern, formal telling.

466

: 00:27:41

The energy of it was, this

is gonna be a shit show.

467

: 00:27:44

It was like that, you know?

468

: 00:27:46

And I wasn't pregnant, and that

person also said, You're about

469

: 00:27:50

to go to London blah, blah, blah.

470

: 00:27:52

And gave me some guidance for what

I had to do as work in London.

471

: 00:27:55

And I, I came out of there and I said,

no, I'm not going to have a child

472

: 00:27:59

when, you know, we're not trying for

a baby and I'm not going to London.

473

: 00:28:02

We just bought a house where we are broke.

474

: 00:28:05

And I went into work a couple

of days later and my boss said,

475

: 00:28:07

we're sending you to Barcelona

for a big meeting for aid work.

476

: 00:28:11

Why don't you visit London

and take a few weeks off?

477

: 00:28:14

And I knew, Oh God, I must be pregnant.

478

: 00:28:16

And I had a sense it's going to be hard.

479

: 00:28:19

Break me open or something's gonna happen.

480

: 00:28:22

So yeah, so I descended into two and

a half years of complete darkness and

481

: 00:28:26

she had reflux She wouldn't sleep.

482

: 00:28:29

I had left London where

all my friends had been.

483

: 00:28:31

I had been there for so long, a

decade So I was kind of on this little

484

: 00:28:34

island off the coast of New Zealand

at the end of the world And I had

485

: 00:28:38

none of my support networks here.

486

: 00:28:40

My husband was at work all day

she was waking up every half an

487

: 00:28:45

hour, every hour, just constant.

488

: 00:28:47

She had to sleep on me upright,

because otherwise she'd

489

: 00:28:50

vomit all the things, right?

490

: 00:28:51

All the things.

491

: 00:28:52

New motherhood, the way it tears us open.

492

: 00:28:55

Yup.

493

: 00:28:55

The reason I tell that to answer your

story, I know it's a long, long answer,

494

: 00:28:59

so thank you for bearing with me.

495

: 00:29:02

Is we, when people say, how

did you come to this place?

496

: 00:29:07

I mean, that two and a

half years in darkness.

497

: 00:29:10

Was the most terrifying when she was three

months old and it preceded the light.

498

: 00:29:15

Because dark and light are not binary.

499

: 00:29:18

They live inside one another.

500

: 00:29:20

And we walk these initiations, these deep

soul initiations that burn us into being.

501

: 00:29:27

And often when we're in the

fire, I didn't know that.

502

: 00:29:30

I had no concept of any of this.

503

: 00:29:32

It was an experience.

504

: 00:29:34

When she was nine months old, I

had been, when she was three months

505

: 00:29:38

old, I wanted to kill myself.

506

: 00:29:39

I was on the floor of her nursery room

and this gorgeous nursery room, right?

507

: 00:29:44

The perfect Pinterest movie.

508

: 00:29:47

And I thought, I am not

made to be a mother.

509

: 00:29:50

I cannot do this.

510

: 00:29:52

And I just thought, I'm

going to have to kill myself.

511

: 00:29:55

Because I can't, I

couldn't see any ending.

512

: 00:29:58

Any light.

513

: 00:29:59

And I made this decision.

514

: 00:30:01

I can't do that to her.

515

: 00:30:03

It was very practical.

516

: 00:30:05

Otherwise she has no mother.

517

: 00:30:06

And I had no father.

518

: 00:30:07

I will not do that to her.

519

: 00:30:09

I'll be the walking dead.

520

: 00:30:10

I'll just be the walking dead.

521

: 00:30:12

I'll stay alive for her,

but I'll actually be dead.

522

: 00:30:15

Fine.

523

: 00:30:15

That's what I'll do.

524

: 00:30:16

So I did that.

525

: 00:30:17

And, but when she was nine months old,

I would talk to God and nothing would

526

: 00:30:20

come back, what I thought of as God,

nothing would come back all my life.

527

: 00:30:25

It had always talked back and nothing.

528

: 00:30:27

And this one time in that two and

a half years, when I said, please,

529

: 00:30:32

why are you doing this to me?

530

: 00:30:35

I can't do this.

531

: 00:30:36

It's too much.

532

: 00:30:37

I've never seen it.

533

: 00:30:38

Everything you've given me my whole life,

all the illness, all the density of the

534

: 00:30:45

Struggling through university by myself,

all the things, all the age work, I've

535

: 00:30:50

never said it's too much, this is too

much, motherhood broke me, and I heard

536

: 00:30:57

a voice and it said, and it's going

to sound really cheesy, so forgive me,

537

: 00:31:01

this language I wasn't familiar with,

but it said to give you the opportunity

538

: 00:31:05

to transcend your ego, that annoyed

me, I found that ridiculous, I said, I

539

: 00:31:12

thought of ego as arrogance, I didn't

know any, And I said, I'm not arrogant.

540

: 00:31:16

And I got so enraged.

541

: 00:31:17

I said, fuck off, just fuck off, leave.

542

: 00:31:21

And it did.

543

: 00:31:22

I felt that energy leave

and it didn't come back.

544

: 00:31:26

So again, I was in the darkness alone,

but that was when she was nine months old.

545

: 00:31:30

Long story short, I struggled through

two and a half years in this place.

546

: 00:31:34

I was pretty alone.

547

: 00:31:36

And then about the age of two

and a half, two, two and a half,

548

: 00:31:41

I was reading a parenting book.

549

: 00:31:43

It was just a parenting book.

550

: 00:31:44

And it said, listen to your breath.

551

: 00:31:46

Listen to your breathing.

552

: 00:31:47

Sit quietly.

553

: 00:31:48

And I started doing that.

554

: 00:31:50

I didn't think of it as meditation.

555

: 00:31:51

I had, again, no concept of meditation.

556

: 00:31:54

I thought that was for those

funny hippies that hug trees

557

: 00:31:56

and I'm busy working in aid.

558

: 00:31:59

You know, I'm, I'm

actually planting trees.

559

: 00:32:01

I'm not fucking talking about them.

560

: 00:32:03

I had this real judgment of

these silly, you know, hippies.

561

: 00:32:08

And so I started listening

to my breath, not thinking of

562

: 00:32:11

it as any kind of meditation.

563

: 00:32:12

And from there, everything blew open.

564

: 00:32:14

And when she was two and a half I had

this moment where she had fallen down

565

: 00:32:19

crying and crying and I was exhausted

and up until then motherhood had always

566

: 00:32:25

been no, no, I don't want to do this.

567

: 00:32:28

I hate this.

568

: 00:32:29

I would Google things like, I'm

not supposed to be a mother.

569

: 00:32:34

How do I stop this?

570

: 00:32:35

Like, what?

571

: 00:32:36

I don't know what to do.

572

: 00:32:37

You know, things like that.

573

: 00:32:38

And I'd be around all these mothers

who were baking and had good hair.

574

: 00:32:42

And I'd be like, fuck you.

575

: 00:32:44

I can't even brush my teeth, you know?

576

: 00:32:46

And, and so it had always been a no.

577

: 00:32:49

Every time she reached

for me, I loved the being.

578

: 00:32:52

I loved the girl, the child.

579

: 00:32:54

I hated the role.

580

: 00:32:57

It felt like.

581

: 00:32:58

Subservient servitude to me, and I

had spent so many years not being free

582

: 00:33:04

in my childhood that this grief, rage

and panic of the one who had finally

583

: 00:33:10

found her freedom and now was in

this crucible of crushing obligation

584

: 00:33:17

is what motherhood felt like to me.

585

: 00:33:20

And so she fell down at two

and a half and I thought, Oh

586

: 00:33:23

no, I have to go and get her.

587

: 00:33:24

I just sat down.

588

: 00:33:26

And I stood up with this, can't you

just give me a moment of quiet energy?

589

: 00:33:31

And as I turned to her, she had

a little hand reaching out to me.

590

: 00:33:36

I can't explain it to you.

591

: 00:33:38

All I can say is that from that immense

darkness, something imploded inside me.

592

: 00:33:45

It just imploded.

593

: 00:33:48

And she, I picked her up and she was

screaming in this kind of vortex,

594

: 00:33:52

it was this high pitched scream.

595

: 00:33:56

And I was in a similar scream in my soul.

596

: 00:33:59

And together we kind of held each

other and we went into this vortex.

597

: 00:34:03

I'd never heard that scream, a

mother knows all the child's cries.

598

: 00:34:07

It was a different, and I imploded.

599

: 00:34:11

I felt her and I said, yes, yes.

600

: 00:34:15

That's the only way I can describe it.

601

: 00:34:17

There's no fancy words.

602

: 00:34:19

All of my being surrendered.

603

: 00:34:20

All of me.

604

: 00:34:23

And long story short, I sat her

down, she, she came into Rishi, and

605

: 00:34:26

I was sitting outside in the garden.

606

: 00:34:28

And everything looked different.

607

: 00:34:30

I mean, it really sounds cliched.

608

: 00:34:33

I didn't know what that was

at the time, but I could see

609

: 00:34:35

the light inside every leaf.

610

: 00:34:38

And this garden I'd

looked at so many times.

611

: 00:34:40

And I appreciated nature in the past.

612

: 00:34:42

I'd already had huge awakening

at 21, but it was different.

613

: 00:34:46

I was completely blown open.

614

: 00:34:48

And over that month, it was October, 2018.

615

: 00:34:52

Over that month, everything changed.

616

: 00:34:55

Everything dissolved.

617

: 00:34:57

I became so hard to explain,

but I became everything.

618

: 00:35:02

I melted into everything

and I became trees.

619

: 00:35:06

I became rock.

620

: 00:35:08

I had no idea what was happening

to me, but I trusted it.

621

: 00:35:11

It felt right.

622

: 00:35:13

All of the guidance came back,

but thicker, faster, deeper than

623

: 00:35:18

anything I had ever experienced.

624

: 00:35:20

It's as if what was in the

background became the foreground.

625

: 00:35:25

I knew myself not as this body, which

I thought I had experienced at 21.

626

: 00:35:30

But this was different.

627

: 00:35:32

It was this transcendent

union kind of consciousness.

628

: 00:35:37

And I was, I knew I had to quit my job.

629

: 00:35:40

I had loved my job as an aid worker.

630

: 00:35:42

I was still doing it.

631

: 00:35:42

Or as it was.

632

: 00:35:44

Three, I was managing a big team,

I did that three days a week and I

633

: 00:35:48

knew I had to leave, it was done.

634

: 00:35:50

So I left my job and I went through

this period of three or four years

635

: 00:35:56

of, of deep integration, two or three

years actually, deep integration,

636

: 00:36:01

I would sit in the garden.

637

: 00:36:03

All day.

638

: 00:36:03

I could hardly do anything.

639

: 00:36:06

I couldn't even, it didn't even

feel like I could be a human.

640

: 00:36:09

If I'm honest, I, I could, I,

everything was blown apart.

641

: 00:36:13

I quit my job.

642

: 00:36:15

I had to take her to kindergarten

and the house was filthy and messy.

643

: 00:36:19

My husband, you know, would come home from

work and there was nothing I couldn't,

644

: 00:36:23

there wasn't a bone in me that could do.

645

: 00:36:25

So integrating that, and that

was the kind of transcendent

646

: 00:36:29

piece as I look back on it now.

647

: 00:36:31

And then a year and a half later, after

a lot of patterns being released out of

648

: 00:36:36

my body, seeing places I was stuck and

wounded and in pain, working through

649

: 00:36:42

these, releasing these, lots of mystical

experiences, transcendent experiences,

650

: 00:36:46

visits from beings, all sorts of madness.

651

: 00:36:50

Then I started having, I had a,

a big release with energy from my

652

: 00:36:56

base all the way through my heart.

653

: 00:36:58

My body was paralyzed

for about half an hour.

654

: 00:37:01

And as that happened, that

brought me deeper into the body.

655

: 00:37:04

That brought me back into, into this,

into my hands, my feet, my face.

656

: 00:37:10

And then I knew I must leave my marriage.

657

: 00:37:14

And I had kind of known for some years.

658

: 00:37:17

But that was the reckoning.

659

: 00:37:18

As that happened through the heart

space, it was like rivers and rivers

660

: 00:37:22

of fire flowing out of my heart.

661

: 00:37:26

And as I came back, it

wasn't the experience, right?

662

: 00:37:29

We all have experiences we can speak of.

663

: 00:37:32

That's not the state.

664

: 00:37:34

Because just like a sunset, I

don't own the sunset, right?

665

: 00:37:38

I can admire it.

666

: 00:37:39

It's wonderful.

667

: 00:37:40

It's not about the experience.

668

: 00:37:43

It's about the change that happens

in our being, which has come to

669

: 00:37:47

be known over the months, over the

years, as it integrates within us.

670

: 00:37:51

And I could see, Oh my God, I'm back.

671

: 00:37:53

I'm back as a human.

672

: 00:37:54

I'm back in the body.

673

: 00:37:55

This tuning fork of the heart had kind of

sent me back here and I knew it's time to

674

: 00:38:03

be here now after this year and a half.

675

: 00:38:05

Okay.

676

: 00:38:06

I have to leave my marriage.

677

: 00:38:07

I've left my job.

678

: 00:38:09

Now I'm being asked to

leave my marriage, my home.

679

: 00:38:11

That I had loved and like painstakingly

done up for years, it was my dream home.

680

: 00:38:18

And so I did.

681

: 00:38:19

There's lots of stories around that

too, but I, but I lived a 20, 17

682

: 00:38:24

year, a 17 year partnership and

marriage with a four year old.

683

: 00:38:30

And I, I was, I had quit my job a year

and a half before, so I wasn't working.

684

: 00:38:34

It took immense courage.

685

: 00:38:36

And I think there's this point in

our initiations, right, where we are

686

: 00:38:40

called into what we will stand for.

687

: 00:38:44

We see the truth of us and we are asked,

will you then quiet that truth and live

688

: 00:38:52

to stay in this safe version of you?

689

: 00:38:56

Will you quiet the truth in your body

and your heart that says it's time to go?

690

: 00:39:01

There's more that wants to

birth through you and as you.

691

: 00:39:05

Or will you stay here in this

comfortable fortress you've built up?

692

: 00:39:10

And once we see that, we can't unsee it.

693

: 00:39:13

And it's like, what are

you willing to lose?

694

: 00:39:15

To remain committed to truth.

695

: 00:39:18

So divorce for me, and

he was a wonderful man.

696

: 00:39:21

We were good friends, you know,

but we were just at that point, we

697

: 00:39:25

were like siblings for a long time.

698

: 00:39:28

So divorce for me in that sense was,

was not necessarily leaving a man.

699

: 00:39:33

It was leaving a version of myself.

700

: 00:39:37

Divorce in that sense was commitment

to the truth of me and this version

701

: 00:39:42

of me that was longing to birth.

702

: 00:39:45

And couldn't do that within the

confines of that relationship,

703

: 00:39:48

that energetic partnership.

704

: 00:39:51

So off I went, right, and

we build our new homes.

705

: 00:39:54

We go through all the rings of

fire that that necessitates.

706

: 00:39:58

And your question to loop back after

this very excruciatingly long answer, I'm

707

: 00:40:02

sorry, was when did the goddess visit me?

708

: 00:40:07

It was then.

709

: 00:40:08

It was, I think I'd always had this

embodiment of her, but she'd been stifled.

710

: 00:40:14

I think many times we've had these

initiations in past lives been shown

711

: 00:40:20

this, where we've done deep work with

the goddess, with the divine feminine,

712

: 00:40:25

with that current, with that archetype,

whatever you want to name it as.

713

: 00:40:30

That energetic field.

714

: 00:40:31

We've often had lives where

we've done deep, deep work.

715

: 00:40:34

You could say as priestesses, you could

say as mothers in a simple life, but we've

716

: 00:40:39

worked here in the garden as witches,

whatever you want to give it a face of.

717

: 00:40:45

And often now in this life, what

my non physical teachers, which

718

: 00:40:49

is what I've come to call them.

719

: 00:40:50

I haven't had physical teachers, but I've

had non physical teachers from childhood.

720

: 00:40:54

This voice that as a child, I thought

of as God in my very innocent way.

721

: 00:40:58

I now think of as, as.

722

: 00:40:59

That's life as my non physical teacher

told me that this life we often catch up

723

: 00:41:06

whatever initiations we've been through

in our past lives will in this life fast.

724

: 00:41:12

That's why this big thing in 2018 to

the transcendence in this big thing,

725

: 00:41:16

a year and a half through the heart.

726

: 00:41:18

And then three years

later, the goddess visited.

727

: 00:41:21

I had no concepts.

728

: 00:41:22

I hadn't read books.

729

: 00:41:24

I started seeking out information because

I was like, what is happening to me?

730

: 00:41:27

And I found bits and pieces,

but I couldn't really read.

731

: 00:41:30

It was like crunching down into concept.

732

: 00:41:32

It didn't really speak to

me like the experience did.

733

: 00:41:36

So I stayed in the experience.

734

: 00:41:37

But once I left my marriage and

I crossed across that threshold,

735

: 00:41:41

here I was a little cottage by the

ocean, painting it, looking after it.

736

: 00:41:47

I left aid.

737

: 00:41:49

I was looking after my daughter, trying

to settle her into this new normal.

738

: 00:41:53

I was doing all the things that we do.

739

: 00:41:55

As woman to keep a house going,

I was working with family members

740

: 00:42:00

who were grieving and upset that

I had done this, you know, friends

741

: 00:42:04

fall away so much annihilation and

the grief of awakening to our true

742

: 00:42:12

selves, people saying, Who are you?

743

: 00:42:13

I don't recognize you.

744

: 00:42:15

And me saying, isn't it great?

745

: 00:42:17

I don't recognize myself and the ones

that stay and the ones that understand.

746

: 00:42:23

And it was during this time,

juggling the realities.

747

: 00:42:28

And the practicalities of being the only

one responsible for my life now, the

748

: 00:42:36

beauty of that, the freedom of that,

and then the pain of that, oh my God,

749

: 00:42:41

I have to be the husband of myself.

750

: 00:42:43

I have to be the claimer, the

cherisher, the protector of

751

: 00:42:48

myself, all the jobs are mine.

752

: 00:42:51

Who's going to mow the lawn and

do the pragmatic, the insurance?

753

: 00:42:55

run the finances and they sound like silly

little things and they are all together.

754

: 00:43:01

I had to, I had to meet my

edges and grow so much into this

755

: 00:43:05

vastness that could hold it all.

756

: 00:43:08

And the goddess, to be honest, I

haven't actually shared this before.

757

: 00:43:13

I've done many podcasts and I've

never shared this, but she visited me.

758

: 00:43:17

I was sitting on my deck and weeping,

thinking, how will I hold all of this?

759

: 00:43:25

How will I be the husband to myself?

760

: 00:43:28

The father to my daughter, she was

with me almost full time at that

761

: 00:43:32

point and I was exhausted and I had

done some big podcast interviews.

762

: 00:43:37

And so I had floods of people

reaching out to me for sessions

763

: 00:43:41

for teaching and for guidance and

I didn't want to be a teacher.

764

: 00:43:45

I didn't like the concept of teacher.

765

: 00:43:47

We're all teachers.

766

: 00:43:48

Well, I'm the ever present

student as well as a teacher.

767

: 00:43:51

So I had not only coming to

terms with this new life, but.

768

: 00:43:56

Coming to terms with all these

people asking me to do certain things

769

: 00:43:59

and step out in a different way.

770

: 00:44:01

And she visited, and she visited

as an energetic blueprint,

771

: 00:44:05

or current, or stream.

772

: 00:44:08

I felt her come up through

my body, up through my sex.

773

: 00:44:11

I felt myself merge with that current.

774

: 00:44:15

And I felt this deep fire, this energy

of I would call it tender ferocity.

775

: 00:44:23

Kind of like a drum beat in me.

776

: 00:44:27

This rallying, I think she comes to

disrupt and to venerate everything that

777

: 00:44:36

patriarchal spirituality, which I hadn't,

didn't have any concepts of at that

778

: 00:44:40

time, tries to disown and disavow, right?

779

: 00:44:43

She comes to bring us back to wholeness.

780

: 00:44:46

And she comes to bring us into our

leash, into our power, into our strength.

781

: 00:44:53

She brings all of that awakening

that's in the crown into the base.

782

: 00:45:00

Into the body, into the cells, every

cell, and I, I didn't know that, I

783

: 00:45:05

didn't know what I thought of this,

I just felt her, and I felt her, and

784

: 00:45:09

she announced, she actually announced

herself, I feel so embarrassed about

785

: 00:45:13

saying all this, I've never said all of

this, but she announced herself as ISIS,

786

: 00:45:17

and I, I had no idea who that was, and

I hold it lightly, I hold it openly.

787

: 00:45:26

And a day later, I got a message

from somebody at this stage, I've

788

: 00:45:30

done a bunch of different podcasts

on consciousness and all of that.

789

: 00:45:33

And I got a message from some

random man in Spain, which was,

790

: 00:45:36

I get those messages a lot.

791

: 00:45:39

And he said, look, I never do this.

792

: 00:45:41

I'm a coffee grinder.

793

: 00:45:43

But I woke in the night and I

had someone called ISIS visit me.

794

: 00:45:48

And she said, this is for Lucy Grace,

you have to send her this message.

795

: 00:45:53

And he said it came in English.

796

: 00:45:57

And I never think in

English or speak in English.

797

: 00:45:59

And it won't leave me alone

until I send it to you, so

798

: 00:46:01

forgive me sending you a message.

799

: 00:46:03

And he said, from Isis for you, rest

between your desires and absolute beauty,

800

: 00:46:09

for I am Isis, ruler of the middle path.

801

: 00:46:12

The utter sacrifice is to surrender

every instant to the flow of life.

802

: 00:46:19

And after that, she came.

803

: 00:46:23

She'd come the day before

to announce herself.

804

: 00:46:25

Then I got this message

from this random man.

805

: 00:46:28

She came over and over.

806

: 00:46:29

I was Googling, who is ISIS?

807

: 00:46:31

She came over and over and over in a

myriad different ways on the side of

808

: 00:46:36

a bus, just, you know, constantly.

809

: 00:46:39

And then she started writing.

810

: 00:46:41

I just call her the goddess

and I think that's one face of

811

: 00:46:44

it but I see it as a current.

812

: 00:46:47

And then she started writing through me.

813

: 00:46:50

She just, the poems that came were

instant, completely different.

814

: 00:46:55

And they were bringing, as that drum came

in my body, what I look, what I realize

815

: 00:46:59

now looking back, bringing the power

that I needed for this new birthing,

816

: 00:47:05

this new version of me, this new life.

817

: 00:47:07

I had always had that power.

818

: 00:47:08

That's what got me out of the hood, right?

819

: 00:47:10

I'm not disowning what I already had,

but this was impersonal and yet personal.

820

: 00:47:17

And it was it's, the goddess wants to

open her body, right, and receive life.

821

: 00:47:24

This was, So I wonder if maybe

I'll read you a poem that she,

822

: 00:47:28

she wrote through me at that time.

823

: 00:47:31

Liz Childs Kelly: Yeah, I

would, I would love that.

824

: 00:47:33

I'm, my heart's feeling a little

broken because I, we're almost out

825

: 00:47:38

of time, but I feel like that would

be such a beautiful way to close.

826

: 00:47:42

If you did have a poem that you

wanted to share, I'd love to hear it.

827

: 00:47:46

Lucy Grace: Yeah.

828

: 00:47:47

Yeah.

829

: 00:47:48

So the thing that I found in my

dance with the goddess, , is she's

830

: 00:47:53

the opposite of dominance, right?

831

: 00:47:56

She wants to bring spirituality

into the world because we

832

: 00:48:01

can only give what we embody.

833

: 00:48:04

She wants us to find the

medicine in our womb, not in our

834

: 00:48:06

wounds, not disown it, right?

835

: 00:48:10

And she is the womb of all things

and wombs anoint everything.

836

: 00:48:15

Yeah, she's that fleshy

radiance of the cosmos.

837

: 00:48:19

That's the divine in density, right?

838

: 00:48:21

She wants to express here.

839

: 00:48:24

And so it's not about leaving.

840

: 00:48:26

It's about being here.

841

: 00:48:28

I won't read the one I was going

to if we're almost out of time.

842

: 00:48:31

I will read one that is for, it

just came through me the other day.

843

: 00:48:37

Actually I'll read two because

that one's quite short.

844

: 00:48:41

This one came from her, from Isis.

845

: 00:48:44

And it's the transmission of it that

came through the body as I wrote it

846

: 00:48:49

it's called The Gods Want to Dance.

847

: 00:48:52

The gods want to dance, to be known from

the ground up, flame through limbs from

848

: 00:48:59

the fire pit in my guts, drum and altar

in the temple of my heart, this holy

849

: 00:49:05

inhabitation like a full poetic fuck.

850

: 00:49:09

And so I dance.

851

: 00:49:12

Wet feet stomping seeds deep into the

fertile dirt of my light dark heart.

852

: 00:49:18

Hips rounding, honouring the drum.

853

: 00:49:21

Wrists, legs laugh.

854

: 00:49:23

I am offered up.

855

: 00:49:26

This sacred thrust, a full body prayer.

856

: 00:49:30

Deep, homing here.

857

: 00:49:33

Let learned people learn.

858

: 00:49:35

Let them overthink.

859

: 00:49:37

Let them talk and trade

emptiness like it's currency.

860

: 00:49:41

I'll be in the garden worshipping

stars, devoted to mud, on my knees to

861

: 00:49:48

innocence and sun, because the goddess is.

862

: 00:49:53

She cannot not know

you by the lick of you.

863

: 00:49:58

She is the drummer, and the

one who follows, and you

864

: 00:50:02

could never ever know this.

865

: 00:50:04

Until you know, until she bites

you open and breathes you home.

866

: 00:50:11

And that's from my book,

The Untameable Light.

867

: 00:50:14

A lot came through from her, so

that, that just came out in one go.

868

: 00:50:20

And that was her writing, that was not me.

869

: 00:50:22

I looked at that and went, wow.

870

: 00:50:24

And that teaches Lucy

the, the, the personality.

871

: 00:50:28

And she's moved me and worked through me

for a couple of years now really deeply.

872

: 00:50:33

Bye.

873

: 00:50:34

To bring me here, to bring me back

with my feet on the ground, and, and

874

: 00:50:40

to kind of, she wants you free, right?

875

: 00:50:43

She wants you free.

876

: 00:50:45

She wants you co regulating with nature,

making love with the earth, honoring.

877

: 00:50:51

And that's the last one I'll finish

on it's called The Goddess Speaks.

878

: 00:50:54

I just wrote this a few days ago.

879

: 00:50:56

A version of it was in my book, but I

changed it a lot as it came through.

880

: 00:51:00

The Goddess Speaks.

881

: 00:51:02

It feels like birthing,

like squatting close

882

: 00:51:05

to earth, or force opening

hips like arson, breathing,

883

: 00:51:10

spirit deeper into flesh.

884

: 00:51:12

It feels like summoning the magic of eons

through bone, through follicle, through

885

: 00:51:17

quiet, through open molecule and hearts.

886

: 00:51:21

It feels like throwing back my head.

887

: 00:51:23

Arching breasts and bellying

the entire cosmos through flesh.

888

: 00:51:28

It feels like roaring is praying,

bare feet pressed to mud, earthing

889

: 00:51:34

ocean and making love with moss.

890

: 00:51:37

It feels like taking in every creature

crawling, singing, loaming in me.

891

: 00:51:42

It feels like becoming everything.

892

: 00:51:45

There is an ecstasy in existing

that cannot, will not be colonized.

893

: 00:51:52

There's no sterilizing

or explaining this away.

894

: 00:51:55

There's no taming the power

of abyss, tide, moon, sorrow,

895

: 00:52:00

blood, joy, rage, seasons.

896

: 00:52:04

With your organized wars, with your

theory, ideas, tidy boxes, wrong

897

: 00:52:11

making, right making, division,

this is the nucleus of creation.

898

: 00:52:17

This is her way.

899

: 00:52:19

And wombs anoint everything.

900

: 00:52:22

You do not have dominion over tithes.

901

: 00:52:25

You must learn to write them.

902

: 00:52:27

This is the calculus of your becoming,

the axis of your ending, and every

903

: 00:52:33

beginning you have ever longed for.

904

: 00:52:36

This is birth and death

folded in on one another.

905

: 00:52:39

This is the untameable pulse.

906

: 00:52:42

I'm giving over to nature.

907

: 00:52:45

Liz Childs Kelly: So beautiful.

908

: 00:52:47

Thank you so much, Lucy, for your

time and your story and your heart.

909

: 00:52:52

I just, I feel like I was sitting on

the edge of my seat the whole time.

910

: 00:52:55

Just like kind of riveted as to

what you were going to say next.

911

: 00:52:58

It was amazing.

912

: 00:52:59

Thank you

913

: 00:52:59

Lucy Grace: so much.

914

: 00:53:01

Liz Childs Kelly: Oh,

no, I didn't need to.

915

: 00:53:03

I mean, thank you for

making my job insanely easy.

916

: 00:53:06

Wow.

917

: 00:53:06

I didn't need to.

918

: 00:53:08

So, yeah, thank you so, so much.

919

: 00:53:10

I will make sure I put in the

show notes how to find your book

920

: 00:53:14

and how, you know, other, other

921

: 00:53:16

Lucy Grace: details

922

: 00:53:17

Liz Childs Kelly: about

923

: 00:53:17

Lucy Grace: you and, thank you so much.

924

: 00:53:19

Yeah, I help people with soul initiation.

925

: 00:53:21

I have quite a long wait list for

sessions, for private sessions, but.

926

: 00:53:24

People are, if that feels like it

calls to people, they can reach out.

927

: 00:53:28

I also do group work, which is open

now and it's all on my website.

928

: 00:53:32

Liz Childs Kelly: Okay.

929

: 00:53:32

And I will, yeah.

930

: 00:53:33

So I will make sure that's, that your

website is in the show notes and yeah,

931

: 00:53:36

thanks to all of you as always for

tuning in and being here and I'm just

932

: 00:53:41

wanting to bless your own journey.

933

: 00:53:42

If the goddess is cracking

you open listen to Lucy,

934

: 00:53:46

you know, you're not alone.

935

: 00:53:47

I'm certainly experiencing

my own version of that.

936

: 00:53:49

And it's a brave and

beautiful path to be on.

937

: 00:53:52

So, so many blessings to all of you and

take good care of yourself until next

938

: 00:53:56

time I will be with you again, very soon.

939

: 00:54:09

Home to Her is hosted by me, Liz Kelley.

940

: 00:54:12

You can visit me online at hometoher.

941

: 00:54:15

com, where you can find show

notes and other episodes.

942

: 00:54:19

You can read articles about the

Sacred Feminine, and you'll also

943

: 00:54:23

find a link to join the Home to

Her Facebook group for lots more

944

: 00:54:26

discussion and exploration of Her.

945

: 00:54:29

You can also follow me on Instagram,

at home to her, to keep up to

946

: 00:54:33

date with the latest episodes.

947

: 00:54:36

Thanks so much for joining us

and we'll see you back here soon.